Microwave Safe?

This article in the New York Times made me giggle with memories of my friend Adrianne and me daring each other to stand in front of the microwave when we were about twelve:

The Claim: People Shouldn't Stand Too Close to a Microwave

For some reason, we really thought that standing in front of the microwave would cause us to instantly mutate or render us sterile for LIFE. Life was an inconceivably long time back then--so inconceivable that I couldn't imagine ever having children, so the idea of sterility wasn't overly frightening. Apparently. Crazy kids.

My parent's old, wood-paneled microwave with the turny-knobs of contoured plastic still does kind of worry me, though. It's bulk dominated the kitchen--it loomed over the lip of the counter and made an interesting, if startling, WHIRRRRRR! noise when in use. As a kid convinced she had magical powers (oh no, not ME!), I was certain I could see the waves of Evil Red Radiation oozing out from edges of the microwave door.

My folks finally replaced it a few years back--not because it didn't work (my dad is quick to point out) but because they were remodeling the kitchen and all the other appliances were getting an upgrade, so....farewell, Beloved Faux-Wood Worrisome Lurking Microwave Oven.

Actually, though, I think my parents might have bequeathed it upon my less-mistrusting younger brother who has made the mistake of living close enough to home to "benefit" from my parent's cast-offs. A dubious honor. Danger lurks!