Look at my stuff...isn't it neat?

I thought you all might enjoy a look at my photo studio, a.k.a. the dining room. I've discovered that with the light from the window, an overhead light, and floor lamps on either side of the room, this ends up being the best room for lighting. Plus the table is about at hip-level for me, so I'm not having to stand on my tippy toes all the time to get a shot. Sometimes I can even sit down in one of the chairs and balance the tripod on the arm rests. That's nice.

This is a spring pizza featuring new potatoes, ramps, and asiago cheese that I'm developing for a May article. It took me a few tries before I was happy with it, but I think I finally got a winning version today. Yum!

Thanks for all your kind words on my last post. I've been feeling a lot better and calmer since then - mostly thanks to the fact that the venue and the catering are both settled now. Those were the biggest things for us financially, and we had a few surprises in how much things ended up costing, so it's nice to just have it done and finalized. Whew!

And the invitations are coming along. Scott and I actually changed the theme and we're both having a lot more fun with it now. I don't want to reveal what we're doing yet, so I'll just say that it's making us giggle a lot and we hope it makes our guests giggle too. 

The move to Ohio is also starting to feel more real. This list of awesome things to do in Columbus actually made me start feeling excited to explore this new city and make it our home. I have a tough time with moves - we moved a lot while I was growing up and I think it's made me...kinda weird when it comes to moving to a new place. I tend to feel very...unemotional and I just have a really hard time processing the whole thing.

I'm realizing that it makes a big difference to be moving there with Scott. I'll find myself starting to close off and pull in and shut down, and then I'll realize, "Oh wait. Not alone. Scott will be there with me. We can hold hands." That's a nice realization to make.

Speaking of nice things, I thought you might all enjoy a peak at my wedding ring(s). Hee hee!

 The picture is weird and fuzzy for some reason I can't figure out, but you get the idea. They're my great-great aunt's wedding rings, passed down through my mom's side. I just got them re-sized to fit me and the jeweler gave them a cleaning while he was at it. I had no idea they were so sparkly! The jeweler laid the rings out for me when I picked them up and I just gasped!

I'm still wearing the engagement ring Scott gave me for now (we were always planning on replacing it with a "real" ring for the wedding). I'll definitely save the wedding band until my actual wedding, but I can't decide if I want to wear the engagement ring part before that? To be honest, it's a little...grand for me. And while a girl can always do with a little more sparkly grandness, it's still...quite grand.

Maybe I'll start wearing it while I type at my computer and just take it from there, eh?

Wedding Planning is Hard...

Wedding planning is hard. As in frustrating. As in anxiety-making. But not for the reasons you might expect. For the most part, our parents have been fine so far. A few nudges and prods here and there, but nothing like the stories I've heard of other parents involvement in weddings.

Scott and I are fine. We've had a few tense moments where one of us had one idea and the other something else, but mostly these have been resolved without furor.

No, it's me. Somehow, I feel like I should be enjoying this a lot more. Take tonight - we were working on the invites, just playing around with images and layout (like the image above, a favorite from the lovely Johanna Wright) and this...this...anxiety just creeps up out of nowhere and just about strangles me. I get controlling and unable to listen to Scott and want to cry. All of the sudden, I didn't want to deal with invites, I didn't want to deal with guest lists, I just wanted to put it all in a box and make someone else deal with it.

I don't really get it. Like I said, on the scale of weddings, this is not a crazy-making one. This feels more like...something having to do with me. Cold feet? That doesn't feel right. I dunno...It feels more like...fear of being the center of attention. Fear of not getting it right, not getting it perfect. Fear of everyone's expectations and also not really knowing what it is that I really want. Fear that the invites will turn out lame or the decorations childish-looking, and somehow the beauty and wonder of the whole event will be diminished. 

Also, old fears of not being girly enough. The tug-of-war between scoffing at anything girly and also, secretly, quietly, wanting it very badly. Feeling completely lost in all this wedding planning and also like I should know what I'm doing because, afterall, I'm a girl, right? 

I just don't know how to do all this. I want to both have a smashing wedding and also retreat into the corner and let it happen to someone else.

Anyway, just rambling here. Not really looking for an answer. Just kind of wandering among the trees dragging my blankie behind me and kicking at rocks. Sigh.